The Minimal Pair Heard ‘Round the
*THIS POST HAS SOME FOUL LANGUAGE BORROWED FROM A COLLEGE GIRL IN MARYLAND*
I was once in a sorority.
It was a co-ed fraternity.
BUT WE STILL HAD CRAZY TIMES …doing service projects…
for the music community, mostly the marching band.
I admit it. We were the hand-picked nerdiest of nerds within the nerdiest club at Arizona State University (Barring any science related extracurriculars. They had to be worse than us, right?). I wasn’t in it for very long and I don’t know why they ever accepted me in the first place, considering I totally spilled the beans on all of the rituals to a close friend of mine. This close friend happened to have a thing for the, um, dashingly ginger chapter president. This friend was being urged by the Captain half of those 2 dollar Captain Cokes she was drinking, to readily divulge to said red head that one of his prospective members told her aaaaalllll about how their secret fraternity business. Other than the overly dramatic Dear John Letter I read the chapter upon quitting 2 years later, I never did or meant them any harm. In fact, I highly respect the organization whose members are extremely loyal, dedicated, and talented hard workers. And actually, pretty good singers most of the time.
So what does this have to do with cunt punting? Well, not much.
Fraternities and Sororities are all about loyalty and relationships. And that poor, poor girl (who writes HILARIOUSLY) from Delta Gamma didn’t think too hard about loyalty and friendship when she told her sisters that she would effing “cunt punt the next person [she heard cheering for the opposing sports team].” She then punctuated that beautiful sentiment with “I WILL [beeeping] ASSAULT YOU.” I don’t fault her for threatening physical harm to her fellow Hellenistic Helens. She must have been under some pressure to write such an -ehem- articulate piece of literature. At the end of the day, sororities want pretty girls to do pretty things with pretty boys for a pretty penny and maybe some networking will come out of it. But let’s face it, if you are (1) good looking enough and (2) rich enough to be in the social Greek system at a university in these glorious United States, you probably won’t need to network that much.
I read the letter and laughed heartily, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if we females don’t stop metaphorically cunt punting each other, we are going to be relegated to buying push up bras and saying “Yes, Sir!” to our mediocre bosses for decades to come (probably the same dudes who said the girls from Delta Gamma were being “goddamn boners” during the party at Sigma Nu 20 years ago).
A friend of mine has recently been doing some job hunting and actually landed an interview at a very big, very important company (for a big, important business lady position). She nailed it, of course, cause she is ridiculously smart and all that jazz. She was called back for a second interview with The Big and Important Company by a woman in the HR department. The woman let her know that they were really impressed by her presentation, but she should probably “wear a little lip gloss next time”. Oh, no. You are not mistaken. You read that right.
WEAR A LITTLE LIP GLOSS NEXT TIME.
Talk about a cunt punt!! I could not believe it. I have no words other than swear words to say about this. Had it been a man doing this interview, NO ONE WOULD HAVE EVER TOLD HIM TO WEAR A LITTLE HAIR GEL NEXT TIME. Because men are not valued for their blouse or their make up. They are valued for their ideas. WE HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO,
We must demand better than this. We can’t settle for this crap anymore.
TAKE THE LEAD
…AND DON’T EFFING CUNT PUNT EACH OTHER.